The Daily Parker

Chicago's two baseball teams gave up a combined 36 runs yesterday, with the Cubs losing to the Reds 20-5 and the Sox losing to the Red Sox 16-7. Perhaps the bullpens could use a little work, hmm?

In other news:

• US Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) has taken more money from gun lobbyists since taking office than anyone else in the Senate, and did not like a British reporter asking him about it yesterday.
• The local police in Uvalde, Texas, bungled basic policing during the school shooting Tuesday in ways that just keep looking worse for them.
• It turns out, even the XPOTUS argued for common-sense gun laws after the Parkland shooting.
• The US Secret Service teamed up with mental-health experts after the assassination of John Lennon to figure out how to stop shootings, an endeavor one can only call a "work in progress."
• The British Broadcasting Company plans to take much of its service online after culture secretary Nadine Dorries (Cons.-Mid Bedfordshire) held the annual license fee at £159 for the next two years. (The BBC receives much of its funding from the fee, which is charged per television set in the UK.)

Finally, astronomers have produced a photo of the supermassive black hole at the center of our galaxy, and were surprised to see it looks nothing like Ted Cruz's head.