Many years ago, there was a man in Bathsheba who asked his servant to go to market. His servant had served faithfully for many years; though his hair was white, he stood as tall as a young date tree in the autumn whose leaves are beginning to fall while the fruit of abundance draws to an end about it.
The servant went to market, and among the throng he saw Death, dressed in black and as pale as the moon that grows thin. Death made a gesture, and the servant grew frightened; for, although there were many people in the marketplace, who crowded to buy the things that would bring them joy while they lived, none of them heeded the lonely pair.
And he ran home to his master, and he said, "Master, today I saw Death in the market amid the throng. And he made a threatening gesture to me. Master, I shall make haste and I shall ride like the wind to Samarra, for Samarra is many miles from here, and Death will not find me there."
So the servant rode away to Samarra, and his master was sorely troubled, as is the traveler in the desert who is called to the side of his dying father and his long journey draws to an end. And he went to the market and he sought out Death, whose dress was dark as the sea at night when the fisherman is lost, and his face was as pale as a grave on a frosty night.
And the master said to Death, "Why did you make a threatening gesture at my servant? He has done me good service, and is old in years."
And Death replied, "I made no threatening gesture at your servant. That was a start of surprise. For I saw him this morning in Bathsheba, but this night I was to meet him many miles away in Samarra."
Submitted by reader S.P.
The young family's 6 year old daughter naturally took an interest in
all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She
hung around and eventually the construction crewgems in the rough all of
themmore or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot.
They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and
lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel
At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay
envelope containing a dollar.
The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the
appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the
dollar pay she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When they got to the bank the teller was equally impressed with the
story and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such
a young age.
The little girl proudly replied, "I've been working with a crew
building a house all week."
"My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on
the house again this week too?"
"I will, if those useless cocksuckers at the lumber yard ever bring us
the fuckin' drywall," replied the little girl.
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana, and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.
The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.
The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, very angry now, says,"If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings."
The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, eats the woman.
He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.
The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."
The bear says, "I'm not on drugs!"
The bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."
Submitted by reader N.A.