The Daily Parker

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List: Star Wars lines

How many remember this classic from the early days of the Internet?

Top 10 Sexually Tilted Lines In Star Wars: A New Hope

  1. "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."
  2. "Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!"
  3. "Look at the size of that thing!"
  4. "Sorry about the mess..."
  5. "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."
  6. "Aren't you a little short for a storm trooper?"
  7. "You've got something jammed in here real good."
  8. "Put that thing away before you get us all killed!"
  9. "Luke, at that speed, do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"
  10. "Get in there, you big furry oaf, I don't care WHAT you smell!"

Top 10 Sexually Tilted Lines In The Empire Strikes Back

  1. "And I thought they smelled bad...on the OUTSIDE!"
  2. "Possible he came in through the south entrance."
  3. "I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh, kid?"
  4. "Hurry up, golden rod..."
  5. "That's OK, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while."
  6. "But now we must eat. Come, good food, come..."
  7. "Control, control! You must learn control."
  8. "There's an awful lot of moisture in here."
  9. "Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"
  10. "I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me!"

Top 10 Sexually Tilted Lines In Return Of The Jedi

  1. "I need more men."
  2. "Our instructions are to give it only to Jabba himself."
  3. "Thanks for coming after me."
  4. "Rise, my friend."
  5. "I can't do it, R2."
  6. "Look, I want you to take her."
  7. "I'm endangering the mission. I shouldn't have come."
  8. "General Solo, somebody's coming."
  9. "I have felt him, my master." "Strange that I have not."
  10. "Back door. Good Idea!"

Satire: Dr Seuss, Tech Writer

Here's an easy game to play. Here's an easy thing to say:

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash.

You can't say this? What a shame, sir!
We'll find you another game, sir.

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you might as well reboot it and then go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, man, that sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM,
Quickly turn off your computer and be sure to tell your mom.

Submitted by reader C.K.

Humor: Haiku error messages

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.

The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
endless others exist

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully.

With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.

The Tao that is seen
is not the true Tao, until
you bring fresh toner.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

Three things are certain:
death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

A file that big?
It might be very useful,
but now it is gone.

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Seeing my great fault
through darkening blue windows,
I begin again

Printer not ready.
Could be a fatal error.
Have a pen handy?

Server's poor response
not quick enough for browser.
Timed out, plum blossom.

Wind catches lily
scatt'ring petals to the wind.
Segmentation fault.

ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have.
You ask way too much.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.

There is a chasm
of carbon and silicon
the software can't bridge.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

To have no errors
would be life without meaning.
No struggle, no joy.

You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
but we never will.

Having been erased,
the document you're seeking
must now be retyped.

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

Submitted by reader L.M.