The Daily Parker

Sadly, my doctor did not tell me to try to have fun no matter what I do, though we did have a brief conversation about which Bourbons we both like. Nope, he just said I'm perfectly healthy: I exercise enough, I eat right, I don't drink too much, my vital signs are perfect, and I get enough sleep. Doctor visits should be like software releases: boring.

If only that were true elsewhere:

• Israel has given the 1.1 million residents of Gaza City until tonight to evacuate to the southern part of the territory as it prepares to invade.
• Michelle Goldberg dismays over left-leaning Americans' apologies for Hamas, seemingly indifferent to the human suffering the war has already brought and will continue to bring: "No cause, righteous or otherwise, excuses the killing of children."
• US Rep. Steve Scalise (R-LA) (the self-proclaimed "[KKK leader] without the baggage]") lasted all of 24 hours as the Republican Party's nominee for Speaker of the House before the rest of his caucus decided democracy doesn't apply anywhere when they lose.
• The XPOTUS granted clemency to a fellow charlatan on his way out the door, but Philip Esformes's crimes were so egregious that the Justice Department will re-try the six of 12 counts Esformes's jury deadlocked on in his first trial.

Finally, for those of you just tuning in, Chicago-based Motorola invented cell phones. And today marks (only!) the 40th anniversary of David Meilahn making the world's first commercial cellular telephone call from Chicago's Soldier Field. Meilahn won a race to get his phone turned on and dialed in order to get that bit of recognition.

On a more serious note, I haven't commented on the war in Gaza yet because I haven't sifted through all the propaganda and disinformation enough. Julia Ioffe said a lot of what I'm thinking on Monday, but right now, no one can hear us moderates. I plan to address it soon. Maybe my lone center-left voice will end 3,000 years of conflict peacefully, who knows?