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Satire: Star Wars, Episode 5

Courtesy of some die hard Star Wars fans, it has been learned that there's going to be an extra scene included in the DVD release of The Empire Strikes Back that is due out in April 2000. The heretofore unknown and unseen footage expands on the scene where Vader reveals his fatherhood to Luke, and ties up some loose ends created with the release of Episode 1...

The Empire Strikes Back: Directors Cut


A furious lightsaber duel is underway. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry.

A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke's hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft.

Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.

Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.

Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed my father!

Darth Vader: No, Luke: I am your father!

Luke: No, it's not true! It's impossible.

Darth Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to be true...

Luke: NO!

Darth Vader: Yes, it is true... and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?

Luke: Threepio?

Darth Vader: Yes... Threepio... I built him... when I was 7 years old...

Luke: No...

Darth Vader: And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp...

Luke: I destroyed your precious Death Star!

Darth Vader: When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!

Luke: It's not my fault...

Darth Vader: Oh, here we go... "Poor me... my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday...

Luke: Shut up...

Darth Vader: Boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith...waahhh wahhh!"

Luke: Shut up!

Darth Vader: You're a slacker! By the time I was you're age, I had exterminated all the Jedi knights!

Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon. And I could shoot womp rats on a flyby...

Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open. Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer... (grasps crotch) Right here baby!

Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.

Darth Vader: You know? I was wrong... You're not my kid... I don't know whose kid you are. Maybe that wimp Obi Wan. Whatever, you sure ain't no kid of mine...

Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft.

Darth Vader looks after him.

Darth Vader (yells): Get a haircut you hippie!


Submitted by reader T.K.

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