- Aleatoric Music
- Music composed by the random selection of pitches and rhythms. Frequently found in the choir anthem.
- Antiphonal
- Leaving your answering machine on all the time.
- Augmentation
- Special surgery for altos involving the implantation of falsettos.
- Basso Continuo
- When the director can’t get them to stop.
- Cantus Firmus
- A singer in good physical condition. As opposed to the "Cantus phlabbious" (See Sackbutt)
- Castrato
- The highest male voice (some alteration required).
- Chorale Partitas
- Small choir get–togethers that are frequently interrupted by the police.
- Concerto Grosso
- An accordion concert.
- Contralto
- An alto who has been convicted.
- Dominant
- In a choral relationship, usually the alto.
- Etude
- What comes right before the Beatitudes.
- Glissando
- What directly precedes the highest note of a descant.
- Grand Pause
- When the conductor loses his place.
- Heterophony
- The only kind of music allowed at the Southern Baptist Convention.
- Leitmotif
- Like a regular motif, but less filling.
- Perfect Pitch
- Throwing a banjo in the dumpster without hitting the sides.
- Phantasie
- An alto in a leather choir robe.
- Polonaise
- A condiment frequently put on a parrot sandwich.
- Polychoral Motet
- Six parrots singing "Exultate Justi."
- Recapitulation
- What usually happens after you eat a parrot sandwich.
- Riff
- What happens when someone takes your choir robe.
- Rondo
- A popular sixties song, as in "Help, help me, Rondo."
- Sackbutt
- A choral singer over 50.
- Score
- Tenors 3, Basses 2.
- Sectional Harassment Lawsuit
- What happens when the director suggests that the sopranos "Sing from their diaphragm"
- Smorzando
- The "All–You–Can–Eat" buffet at Luciano’s.
- Theme
- We hate this anthem.
- Theme and Variations
- We hate this anthem, the composer and all of the composer’s relatives.
- Tonic
- What is generally enjoyed over ice after choir rehearsal.
Submitted by reader J.J.
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