The following is probably apocryphal, but so what?
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the
auto industry and stated: "If General Motors had kept up with technology like the computer industry has,
we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Gates' comments, GM's Bill Welch issued a press release in reply, saying,
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following
- For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
- Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
- Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this,
restart, and drive on.
Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down
and refuse to restart, requiring you to reinstall the engine.
Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought
"Car95" or "CarNT." But then you would have to buy more seats.
Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast,
and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a
single "general car fault" warning light.
- New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
- The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and
refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key,
and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally
road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them.
Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish
by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive
all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as they did in the older car.
- You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.
Submitted by reader D.C.