The Daily Parker

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Joke: Redneck Jedi Knights

Your Jedi might be a redneck if...

  • he uses his lightsaber to cut the bottlecap off a beer
  • he says, "These are not the beers you're looking for"
  • that "Disturbance in the Force" was just last night's baked beans and spareribs
  • the inside of the house looks more like Dagobah than the outside
  • he calls his young apprentice, "Hoss"
  • he ever uses telekinesis to pull his jeans up
  • the Force isn't the only thing that runs in the family
  • he calls Hank Williams "master"
  • his landspeeder has a gun rack
  • he constantly mistakes R2 units for beer kegs
  • he got his light saber by sending in 750 "Camel cash" tickets
  • his sister chooses him over Han Solo
  • he calls Yoda his "Li'l green buddy."
  • he has ever said, "Anger... fear...agression...Yankees...the dark side are they."
  • his father's name is Garth Vader
  • his lightsaber has a beer can crusher in the base
  • there is more oil in his robes than in his astromech droid
  • he has ever used the Force in conjunction with fishing or bowling
  • he trims his beard and finds a Mynock
  • he has ever used a lightsaber to light the barbecue grill
  • he offends Jawas with his B.O.
  • he fights with a lightsaber in one hand and a spit cup in the other
  • he uses a Jedi mind trick to stop the beer truck
  • he uses his Jedi healing powers to clear up his VD
  • his Jedi robe is camouflage-colored
  • at least one wing of his X-Wing is primer colored
  • he can easily describe the taste of an Ewok
  • he can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks
  • his father ever said to him, "Shoot, son, come on over t' the dark'll be a hoot."

Submitted by reader S.P.

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