June 1998

Your momma is so fat:

When she hauls ass she has to make two trips.
When she dances she makes the band skip.
When she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease the doctor gave her 13 years to live.
Her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
Her high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.
Her driver's license says "Picture continued on other side."
She has to iron her pants on the driveway.
The shadow of her ass weighs 100 pounds.
The back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
"Place Your Ad Here" is printed on each of her butt cheeks.
All the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR your mama"
When she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.
She was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
She's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
She could sell shade.
When she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.
She has to put her belt on with a boomerang.
She went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
Her belly button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters.

The Daily Parker