- Never take a front-row seat at a bris.
- If you can't say something nice, say it in Yiddish.
- The High Holidays have nothing to do with marijuana.
- One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.
- A bad matzoh ball makes a good paperweight.
- Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?
- According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only
in Chinese restaurants.
- No meal is complete without leftovers.
- If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. But if you can,
make sure you tell everybody what you paid.
- WASPs leave and never say good-bye. Jews say good-bye and never leave.
- Israel is the land of milk and honey; Florida is
the land of milk of magnesia.
- Next year in Jerusalem. The year after, how about a nice cruise?
- Spring ahead, fall back, winter in Miami.
- Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a big Cadillac and eating
dinner at four in the afternoon.
And last, but certainly not least:
- There comes a time in every man's life when he
must stand up and tell his mother that he is an Adult. This usually
happens at around age 45.
Submitted by reader L.M.