The Bible offers a number of alternatives to the bar scene and
personal ads for those men wishing to settle down and marry:
Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head,
trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
(Moses, Exodus 2:16-21)
Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
(Boaz, Ruth 4:5-10)
Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one
and carry her off to be your wife. (Benjaminites, Judges 21:19-25)
Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost
you. (Adam, Genesis 2:19-24)
Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage.
Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years
for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right: fourteen
years of toil for a wife. (Jacob, Genesis 29:15-30)
Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get
his daughter for a wife. (David, 1 Samuel 18:27)
Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll
definitely find someone. (It's all relative, of course.) (Cain, Genesis 4:16-17)
Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
(Xerxes or Ahasuerus, Esther 2:3-4)
When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I
have seen a...woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your
decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." (Samson, Judges 14:1-3)
Kill any husband and take his wife (Prepare to lose four sons,
though). (David, 2 Samuel 11)
Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea;
it's the law.) (Onana and Boaz, Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)
Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.
(Solomon, 1 Kings 11:1-3)
Submitted by reader J.S.