Out in farm country, old Nigel had a different sort of fetish. Every so often he would sneak into a neighbor's farm and go joyriding on a tractor.
After a few of these nocturnal jaunts, which usually resulted in a destroyed farm implement, his neighbors figured out what was happening. A mob of angry farmers chased him halfway around the county, and finally catching him, they beat him badly enough to put him in a wheelchair.
All Nigel could do was look wistfully at the tractors tilling the fields from afar.
But one day, a fire broke out in a neighbor's barn. The smoke was so thick the firefighters couldn't see the flames.
Seeing this, Nigel wheeled over, hopped off the chair, climbed up to the top of the barn, stuck his head in a hole in the roof, sucked out all the smoke, and blew it downwind of the barn.
His neighbors were shocked. One asked him, "How did you do that?"
"Easy," said Nigel. "I'm an ex-tractor fan."
Submitted by reader J.C.